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                    <text>ST.

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PAGE

02

THE INTERNATIONAL NEWSMAGAZINE
OF ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE

60 COLLEGE AVENUE
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND 21401
SJCA.GADFLY@GMAIL.COM
Founded in 1772, the Badfly is an internataionl newsmagazine distributed to over 600
students, faculty, and staff of the Annapolis
campus.
Opinions expressed within are the sole
responsibility of the author(s). The Badfly reserves the right to reject, reject, and
reject submissions in any way necessary
to publish a professional, informative,
and thought-provoking newsmagazine.
The Badfly meets on the Lower Level of the
BBC, once a semester.
STAFF

Sebastian Barajas • Editor-in-Chief
Allison Tretina • Keyholder to Morgue
Kira Anderson • Managing Editor
Lyra Meurer • lllustrator
Frederick Nesfield • Staff
Mallari Richards • Staff

CONTRIBUTORS

Dr. Jack Brews, PhD
Adolfo Barajas

'

-

Mad Style

BREAKING NEWS
0

Jellyfish gains sentience, relays the last number of pi.

0

Perseus temporarily stops working, students riot in the coffee shop,
breaking several windows.

0

Kingdom of flesh-eating bacteria found at the bottom of College Creek
with Spartan system of government.

0

Students wins seminar, steals pants from tutor.

0

Pallas Athena descends from heaven to declare Aristotle readings, "foo
damn hard."

0

Iron Throne built in snow on front campus, blood bath ensues.

0

Pirates have infiltrated crew team, insider says.

0

Freshman stage coup de tat, calling Campbell the "new powerhouse of
campus."

0

'

PAGE

nside sources confirmed last week that sophomore Gunther
Peterson (A' 17) is still complaining about being overworked.
"I'm so tired," he told an undercover Badfly reporter, "I got, like,
six hours of sleep last night. I had to finish an essay, and I still have
another to do for Monday. I am so stressed right now."
When our reporter asked why he was complaining to his own core
members, who have the exact same workload as himself, Mr. Peterson replied, "Because I also have to work two and a half hours at the
library, and then I have yoga later. I literally could not do a single
thing more. I am so tired."
However, eyewitness accounts have shown Mr. Peterson sitting in
his room at 3 PM on a Monday, eating potato chips and watching a
Benedict-Cumberbatch-a-thon on Netflix. "That was literally, like,
the one break I took," he explained, "All the rest of the time, I was
working. Plus I've been sick."
Other Johnnies have expressed irritation with Mr. Peterson's attitude. "He needs to get over himself," an anonymous sophomore
commented, "This kind of complaining was old even when we were
freshmen. Hell, it was old even in high school, when you could talk
about how many more AP classes you were taking than your friends .
News flash: we're all taking the same classes now, dipshit. We're

not impressed."
Harvard psychologist Bertrand Bloomingham has identified a
likely cause for Mr. Peterson's behavior. "We all do it," Mr. Bloomingham told the Badfly, reclining in his commemorative Harvard
Class of '87 easy chair, "We all want validation. And sometimes, if
we're going through a rough patch where it's not all that easy to see
the benefit of our work, we want to be consoled. We want to reach
out and find someone who will tell us that we're an impressive person, that what we're doing is valuable. And one very common way
we have found to seek this validation is to whine incessantly like a
little bitch."
Of all those interviewed, juniors and seniors were the least sympathetic to Mr. Peterson's complaints. Senior Orphilina Rhizomo
(A' 15) commented, "Don't worry. Junior year will cut him down
to size. He'll be so tired, he won't have the energy to complain.
Besides, it's really seniors who have it the hardest. We have to apply
for grad school, and spend an hour a day minimum just generally
stressing about our futures- and all of that's on top of our schoolwork. That's why we've only gotten six hours of sleep in the last
week. Plus we've all been sick."
Mr. Peterson was too overwhelmed with work to comment.~

--- --~~------

'

Prospie's Question
Perplexes Tutor

E

v.ery prospi~ who stays overnight has a chance to
sit down with a tutor and ask any questions about
St. John's. Alexander, an eager high school senior from
upstate New York, very much looked forward to his
interview. He had read all of Stringfellow Barr, Scott
Buchanan, and Mortimer J. Adler and was well versed
in the history of the liberal arts education.
Alexander asked several questions about life at
St. John's and the Program. The conversation was
comfortably well-paced- that is, until it came to
an abrupt halt. Without realizing the weight of his
question, the student asked, "What is the purpose of a
St. John's education?" The tutor fell silent and slowly
slid back in his chair. A few long seconds went bycomplete silence. In a frantic effort to relieve the tutor,
Alexander proposed his own answers. "Is it to make
better citizens?" he asked. "Or, how about make
students think on their own?" The tutor grunted- no
reply. A few more long seconds rolled by, until finally
the tutor sat up, looked at his watch, and said, "I think
our time is up." Then, without a formal goodbye, the
tutor stood up, put on his coat, and quickly walked
out of the Coffee Shop. Alexander was shocked and
thought out loud, "What the hell?"
Next fall, Alexander enrolled as a Freshman. i\&gt;

DINING HALL

€"1)#Sophomore Still Trying to Solicit Sympathy for Heavy Workload

Literature &amp; Fine Arts

03 '

~•

Health center sends out helpful information.

~/
I

uoI mm@fl'I· m
- -·---

'

INTENTIONALLY
SMASHES ALL PLATES
Recently, the dining hall has been denying requests for
specific food items, which it identifies as "too unhealthy"
for its students. Some such declarations state that lemon
juice has "too much sugar" in it for the dining hall to put
out in good conscience. (You know, compared to the Rice
Krispie Treats they serve at the very beginning of the food
line.) Also, a request for chocolate chip cookie dough ice
cream was marked out in pen and the dining hall suggested kale flavoured ice cream instead. Needless to say, the
dining hall's fascism is obviously executed with only the
best health of the students' in mind, not the price of these
items which we already pay out the nose for on the meal
plan.
However, in a shocking tum of events, all of the plates
in the dining hall have been broken, and a sign has been
posted stating simply, "Watch your portions." As reminiscent of as this is of a "Big Brother is watching you,"
schtick, students should be reminded that you are in fact
being controlled and your requests are being rudely denied for your own good. The dining hall knows best, children. Remember that. i\&gt;

A

fter disappearing from public view for 11 speculation-filled days, Russian President Vladimir Putin resurfaced Monday, March 16, meeting with Kyrgyzstan President Almazbek Atambayev at a St. Petersburg
palace. The meeting marked Putin's first public appearance since March 5,
when Putin met with Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi.
The strongman's abrupt and unexplained absence had set off a flurry
of rumors, including that Putin had died or was in declining health, had
traveled to Switzerland for the birth of his girlfriends 's child, or even had
been ousted in a Kremlin coup.
But there he was on Monday, most assuredly not dead and showing no
outward signs of illness. The New York Times reports that during a j oint
appearance, Atambayev told reporters that Putin "had a philosophical
emergency," and flew out to Siberia, where he dieted on "raw fish, black
tea and parsnips."
"He was not only dietining and meditating, he read voraciously,"
Atambayev added.
On the top of his to-read list, the Russian leader spent most of the
week-and-a-half-long disappearance toiling over Nietzche's der Wille zur
Macht and Heid~gger's question of authenticity. But more that these, he
took to reading Zizek into the late hours of the night, trying to once and
for all resolve all his persistent questions imposed by previous German
philosophers.
Putin's "philosopphical emergency" came during particularly dire times
in Russia, with the country embroiled in Ukraine and amid the residual
fury over the assassination of the leading dissident Boris Nemtsov. No one
should be surprised.~

FUN FACT:
PUTIN IS ALIBRA

.n. .n. .n.

�~ookie ~AtAoist

c2\cciileotnll!J

At three in the morning this past Tuesday, I was abruptly awoken
by an unearthly howling. At the outset, I didn't worry too much the freshmen have been reading Herodotus lately and cries of lost
souls have become a comforting lullaby on Sunday nights - but
shortly after a desperate tapping came at my chamber door. Try as
I might, the poor soul was insistent. Not even my slurred "Slerp
stoody" could deter them; I stumbled to the door. Staring up at me
with watery eyes was a girl I'd never spoken to, though I'd seen her
on campus many a time.
"Sorry to wake you," she said. "But I've got a bit of an, err, problem down in the Humphreys basement."
"What?" I replied, rubbing the sleep from my eyes. Oh, right.
Shit. RA Duties. Those are definitely an unfortunate reality. "Is
someone hurt?" The possibility of a bleeding student in my care
shocked me that much closer to full wakefulness.
"No, no. No one's hurt, it's just. .. " She huffed in frustration and
raked a hand through her hair. "Can you come with me? Please?"
It was my duty, dear reader, to do so. After grabbing a pair of
flip-flops and my robe, we trekked down from the third floor of
Humphreys to its basement. Let me say this: I have been well acquainted with fluorescent lighting in my lifetime. One might even
say 'painfully well acquainted' after viewing the buzzing ceiling
panels at my public high school. I had grown used to such lighting
in Humphreys basement, if only as a reason to avoid visiting it, but
the soft, rosy-fingered dawn-like yellow and neon purple spilling
into the hallway were most certainly not fluorescent.
"Excuse me?" A voice called from the room. The girl next to me,
I think her name was Elizabeth, froze. Her fear made me cautious,
but I entered the room anyway.
"Excuse me," the voice repeated, but I couldn't answer.
Jesus Christ floated gently in a ring of purple fire in the middle of
Humphreys basement.
"Hello," He said, lips curving into a smile. "Have you heard the
good word of me?" His laughter rooted me to the spot. I have never
been a religious person, but now seemed a great time to start. I
straightened up and tried to breathe a little more deeply, fisting my

~ummoos ~oo

of Qoil

hands in the pockets of my robe. I bowed stiffly.
"How can I help you ... Mr. Christ?" I managed to squeak out.
"Please, call me Jesus."
"Alright then, Jesus. May I ask what you're doing here?"
"I was hoping you could tell me," He glanced into the hallway. "I
believe I'm part of a seance gone wrong. It's okay, Elizabeth," He
motioned for her to come into the room. "Everyone messes up their
first invocation, but you get better. Why, I remember Mark tried to
summon Beelzebub one time and just got bees and bubble bath."
He laughed long and hearty, like it was the funniest joke he'd ever
heard. "Pronunciation is tricky, dear Elizabeth, if you inflect one
word wrongly you're likely to be given a phallus not a palace." Jesus wiped a tear from his eye and I briefly wondered if Homer had
these sorts of problems with his gods. Maybe.
"Oh, anyway, if you would just release me, I believe it's time for
me to get home. Daddy-o will be wondering where I am," He almost
started laughing again. My look of confusion must have tipped Him
off. "It's funny," He said, "Because He's omniscient. He's never
wondered in his life."
"Oh, yes," I nodded dumbly, "Very funny." I turned desperately
back to Elizabeth. "How do we let the nice man go?"
"That's just it," she said quietly, "I don't know."
"Well, if this is the trap that I think it is, you can just erase that
sigil," He gestured with his sandaled foot, "And change that to an
epsilon, I should be free to go."
Elizabeth hurriedly did as she was instructed, and soon the room
was filled with a white light. Jesus laughed again, he seemed like a
pretty jovial guy.
"Farewell, my friends . I am gone."
"Have a safe trip," I waved weakly. Elizabeth did the same.
Afterwards, there was no evidence that anything had ever transpired there. Only Elizabeth and I knew what had occurred, but I
didn't have the energy or presence of mind to berate her. Forgiveness seemed like a good option.
"Elizabeth," I began.
"Yes?" She sounded terrified.
"You know we have rules about this sort of thing."
"We do?" She seemed genuinely surprised.
"You can hold as many seances as you want in Humphreys. You
just have to get everyone's permission first."
"Wait, really?"
"Yes. Every resident has to okay it."
"So can I-"
"No. Because I will never say yes to you again."
I left her sputtering in the basement and returned upstairs, much
too tired for this nonsense. I had a nine am in a few hours and I
didn't think my tutor would take divine interruption as an excuse.
Back in bed, I reached down to take a swig from my water bottle;
dealing with Jesus was thirsty work. I gagged ungracefully at the
sour taste and swiped at my bedside lamp to turn it on. I stared in
frustrated disbelief. Pinot Noir glittered in my Came!Bak. ~

\.....L---------------------------, the

!-----------------------------"
Saint John's College to Become its own Country
Recently, a bill passed through the legislation of the American country
to declare the campus of St. John's College, formerly William and Mary's
School, to become its own country. This bill was started by several
students on-campus a few years ago, who have since graduated, but one
of them was recorded as saying, "I just think that our college is so much
more than a place of education, but... something more ... like, a country or
something. Yeah, a country," while very drunk at a party. The idea gained
steam, and slowly, petition after secret petition, the bill was presented to
Congress. The president did not veto this declaration, perhaps because it
was slid in as a clause on the one hundred and seventy second page of a
three hundred page bill about the standards of elementary geology classes
in the states. Nonetheless, we are excited to announce, here, in the pages
of our very own school paper, that you are all now citizens of Saint John's!
It is with great sadness, however, that I must announce several
drawbacks to this new status. Due to issues over land with the city of
Annapolis, the BBC will no longer be part of the campus. In fact, after a
lawsuit by the British Broadcast Company, the building can no longer be
called the BBC at all, and is being renamed something considerably more
boring. Also, residents of Pinkney and Randall are being asked to vacate
the buildings as soon as possible, since these, too, have been taken by the
city of Annapolis to be used as either tourist traps or restaurants which
are in themselves a form of tourist traps.
The polity is also to be made aware of a few new rules that will be
enforced in our great country.
1) Citizens must submit to the Gadfly at least one article per year.
2) The New Year's celebrations on Wednesday may only continue if the
singers reach no note higher than the middle "g" in the treble clef.
3) Axolotls are the only pet allowed now in dorm rooms.
4) For every Kant pun uttered, a citizen must receive twelve lashes.
5) The existence of mountains is to be denied at all times. Any people
who believe in mountains should be reported to the assistant dean
immediately.
6) Sophistry is no longer allowed to be mentioned in regards to the
education our school is providing.
7) The words "swag," "totes my goats;' "weebs," and "omg" are from
this moment on forbidden.
And finally,
8) Dogs are now allowed back on campus!
These rules are designed for the safety of everyone on campus, so
please respect them. Also keep in mind that the Wi-Fi can be shut down at
any time so that Perseus will no longer be available for use in "assisting"
translations.
Even though these are dramatic changes, please know that many of

things that you know and love about St. John's College will
remain the same. For example, eating at the dining hall will still be
mandatory for freshman, and Arcadia will remain on campus. In
fact, she had been promoted as the national animal for our country!
Isn't that charming? And for those of you that are wondering,
smoking will still be allowed on campus, but only if one uses the
ashtrays. We highlight this last part, since we feel this that this may
be a habit change for some of our citizens. We also would like to
reiterate that this new country is by no means anarchic. We do not
know what it is, really, other than a country.
If you want to put in an idea of how our new state should be run,
there will be a meeting at 2 am in the bell tower of McDowell on
April 16th, 2015. There will no refreshments nor will there be food,
and if you arrive to challenge those in power, you will be removed
from campus.
We at the Badfly sincerely hope that everyone enjoys their new
freedoms and lack of freedoms! However, we ask that you contain
your excitement enough that you do not draw the ire of the United
States, lest they decide to conquer us. ~
May Socrates be ever in your favor,
The Badfly Staff

Did You Know?
Famous sayings that originated from the
Bible:

0
0

'Judge not lest ye be judged.' (Matthew 7:1)
'Let he among you who is without sin cast the first
stone.' (John 8:7)
0 'Don't throw your pearls before swine.' (Matthew
7:6)
0 'Damned ifyou do, damned ifyou don't.' (Job 3:3)
0 'You gotta do what you gotta do.' (Johah 2:2)
0 'How do you like them apples?' (Genesis 3:5)
0 'Are you feeling lucky, punk?' (Exodus 14:23)

St. John's New Revenue

T

here have been several questions about the economy of
the new country of St. John's, all of which have pointedly
asked what in god's name we should do to stay afloat. A questionnaire was sent out to students, and the Delegate Council has
announced that tourism will be central to our new economy;
namely, St John's will bring in people to watch the students like
animals in a zoo, exactly like Prospies do already. Also, thanks
to an overwhelming amount of unsolicited advice, geeks from
all over St. John's have declared that the tabletop Role-Playing
Games (RPGs) are something that should be factored as a way
to make revenue. One letter to the Council declared, "We host
the sweetest RPGs around. People would totally pay to watch
me pretend to be a gnome paladin." Another stated, "I know all
of the rules of Dungeons and Dragons 2nd edition onward, and
I am fully prepared to police all games played to make sure that
nothing goes wrong. Also, I know Pathfinder." t&gt;

�LJ[}{][

mm@Ftry -

PAGE

06

'

Of course you do.

LJ~[

mm@FLY --

B&amp;G To Give Student Award:·Most Annoying Trash

T

his review will perhaps be most helpful for a specific
species of modem coffee enthusiasts- at this point in our
modem era an ever-expanding species-the torturers of Nature,
or, the Baconian Vexers. It will therefore be most sensible to those
who have already frequented the establishment this publication
has occasioned me to review, as well as those who share my and
other modem coffee enthusiasts' Baconian inclinations, that I am
indeed writing about Ceremony Coffee Roasters, perhaps the most
torturous, but at the same time revealing investigators of Nature's
fruits.
It is a truism that is unfortunately unnoticed by most modem
coffee enthusiasts that their own principles and modus operandi
are in fact founded on Baconian principles. Thus, those who
deviate from their own craft's principles should not be surprised to
find themselves befit for Idols of the Theatre and therefore subject
to scrutiny and perhaps correction on behalf of their betters. (Dare
I mention that most despicable venue, the that which something
lesser cannot be drank, Starbucks?) Fortunately for us Vexerswould that fortune obeyed me more often!-our tasks have been
re-delegated to those martyrs of scientific knowledge at Ceremony
to reveal the shadows on the cave wall, disguising flat, weak crema
atop a double ristretto-shot, and that over-aerated milk which, from
afar to those in chains, looks like latte art but most certainly is not.
Ceremony Coffee Roasters was first mentioned to me by a
colleague of mine in the basement of the Baconian Institute at
M.I. T., an institute devoted to essentially putting various exotic
flowers and animals through Enhanced Interrogation Techniques
until they reveal to us Nature's mechanisms. I was telling her that
I was going to give a talk for a conference at the Naval Academy
entitled, 'Torture is Justified: Put it in Your Cup', and she told me
my pilgrimage would be remiss if I didn't visit Ceremony, advice
which, coming from the Chair of the Department for Nature's
Very Real and Reductive Mechanisms, I was required to obey.
When I arrived at Ceremony I was presented immediately

with one of the most serious and profound displays of Baconian
investigation and rigor in the modem Western world. One of these
displays can be found at the most immediate part of Ceremony's
brand, its logo, which features an exquisite set ofleaves that house
one of the Baconian's foods and jewels-the Arabica bean, that
sweet, complicated question that is the subject of the modem
coffee enthusiasts' and Vexers' project alike. But Ceremony's
displays grew that much more striking when I soon discovered
the tools at Ceremony's disposal for extracting Nature's nectar,
impressively varied and powerful: a set of calibrated kettles
designed to put Nature through a most vexatious routine in the
public spectacle, that most divine and zenithal symbol of the
Baconian Vexers project, the (Synesso) espresso machine, as well
as modem science's most sophisticated roaster equipped with
the appropriate graphing functions for roasting and extraction
temperature, and finally a glass-encased room for tasting various
aspects of the answers with which Nature has decided to present
us. One merely has to watch one of Ceremony's baristas-or
should I say Bacon-istas?-grind Nature to a fine, powdery
condition, tamp, beat, and pound onto the portafilter a la Novum
Organum, making Mother Nature finally acquiesce underneath
9-bars of pressure of the espresso machine's unceasing power.
And EUREKA! Nature's secrets are revealed in its most delicious
form! There are absolutely no idols and idolaters to be found at
this establishment- this most glorious kitchen of Nature!
Comrades of the Baconian Project- I beseech you for a
cappuccino at Ceremony ! Imbibe Nature's answers and savor the
fall of its last stand against Man's unceasing efforts! Cease your
Interrogation Techniques, and grant Ceremony the privilege to
supply you with the fruits of its torture!

)ltticus &lt;Beaumont is no ordinary coffege student. J{e fias Grokfn many
Goundaries to arrive wfiere fie is now-St. Jolin 's Coffege, )lnnapofis. :Not
on{y did fie fiave to overcome a ratfier offensive po[icy tfiat anima[s, no matter
fiow inteffigent, are not affowed on ca1TIJ!.us, Gut fie a[so, wit fiout tfie aGi[ity to
read, fiad to convince tfie admissions office tfiat fi e was w ortfiy of acceptance.
)ltticus' story Gegins wfien fi e was just a kjtten, craving k,now[eage and
askjng questions sucfi as, "Wfiat is virtue?" and "Is virtue a teacfiaG[e thing? "
)ls fie grew, fie found tfiat institutes of [earning wouftf not accept fiim. Jljter
)ltticus fieard aGout St. Jo fin's fie k,new tfiat tfiis was tfie pface to come.
J{e fiad a friend witfi opposaG[e tfiumGs post a picture of )l tticus fookjng
mefancfiory on tfie internet and askfd for support. '[fie picture Gecame an
internet sensation. Witfi over one fiundred tfiousand notes on 'TumGfr and siJ(
fiundred tfiousand retweets, and even Gecoming a popu[ar meme for a so[id
day and a !iaft it Gecame fiard to ignore )ltticus'.
'Tfiougfi fi e aoes not speak, &lt;Engfrsh, cannot read, and needs a fitt er Go:ic and
cat food, )ltticus was acceptea into St. Jolin 's, and it was discfosed tfiat,
since fie fiad no concept of currency, tfie )ldmissions office offered fiim a juff
ride scfiofarsfiip. )ltticus fias made a Grave step for alt cat-Bnc[, so f eeC(ree
to congratufate our new peer if you see fiim watkjng around camp_us. &lt;f'(ease
Ge aware, tfiougfi, tfiat is in ]act offensive to confuse fiim with tfie foca[
raccoon, wfio was spotted again recentry after tfie fong winter. If you wisfi to
address tfie raccoon, fie fias Geen duGGea )lgamemnon "'l(ing of 'Trasfi" &lt;i(ockft
&lt;i(accoon, and a[so wisfies tfiat peop[e wouftf stop tfirowing beer cans at fiim
wfien fie comes too dose. ~

This Friday, a Buildings &amp; Grounds spokesperson announced that
senior Todd Billings (A'lS) is scheduled to be given the first-ever lifetime achievement award titled Most Annoying Trash. "This is the first
time we've given this award," B&amp;G spokesperson Roy "Rope-A-Dope"
Carter told Badfly reporters, "... or any award, for that matter. And
we're doing it because honestly, we've never seen such consistently
annoying trash come out of one student's room before."
A team of trash analysts has kept careful records of the annoyingness of trash throughout the St. John's campus, and discovered that
the highest concentrations are always found in the trash areas closest
to the residence of Mr. Billings. Recent surveillance footage from his
nearest trash area shows him depositing, within the span of a single
night: a CVS bag full of assorted sharp objects, three dozen half-full
cans of Milwaukee's Best, and a refrigerator-sized cardboard box
filled with loose packing peanuts.
When interviewed as to why he decided to leave half a Domino's
pizza in the recycle bin, Mr. Billings replied, "Well, it was a lot of food.
I didn't want it to go to waste. I thought maybe they could turn it into
stationery or one of those post consumer recycled Frisbees. I've been
making an effort to be more environmentally conscious."
While many Johnnies see this award as a rebuke, both parties firmly deny this. "We're honestly just amazed," B&amp;G spokesperson Carter
told the Badfly, "I mean, we're used to picking up annoying trashthat's part of the job. But this guy's trash is annoying to the point
where it's like, 'Hats off.' You know? I mean, we didn't even think this
kind of annoyingness was possible."

Mr. Billings had a similar take on the matter: "Yeah, I'm pretty
psyched about it, actually. It makes me feel like I've really had an
impact on this community. Like, I've never really been all that great
at Greek or French. And I'm kind of so-so in Seminar and Math
and whatnot. But when I look at that award, I'll be able to think to
myself, 'I was truly outstanding at something.' And you know, like
Socrates probably said, any action can be virtuous. I think Socrates
. would be proud of me." ~

L...------------~-,,,(~)

:&gt;

! Jrl~~I! ltl1J

mmnm~

~~®"R!gDJ
~m~~!I

In natura constricta et vexata,
Dr. Jack Brews, Ph.D

Jllmmfm~~Q
#RaceTogether

F

A

fter the fifth Frank Underwood quote, the Sophomore seminar had enough. "We
wanted to throw something at her," says one her peers. "Are you really going to try
to defend Machiavelli with the opening scene of House of Cards? Like, are you for real?!"
That is the reaction coming out of the seminar on Machiavelli's Prince, where a Sophomore reportedly only referenced the TV show House of Cards for the entire seminar. Says
a classmate, "We were just going along, having a great discussion, and he brings this shit
up. I mean, at least, bring up Season 3, if you are going to give a half-convincing argument." Another one of her peers was more upset she never referenced Clare Underwood.
"Once we started wondering about the Prince's virtue, she went on and on about Frank
Underwood, but without ever mentioning the sexiest person on the show, Clare. How is
that even possible?" The student in question, who requested anonymity, said: "I mean, I
thought I was focusing on what was important." ~

or once ever, the United States wants to
come together and have a real dialogue
about an important issue, thought Johnnie
Philip Anderson when he learned about
Starbuck's new campaign, called "Race Together". "Okay, really, the campaign only
inflates the ego of a gentry liberal billionaire CEO, but what the hell?" Philip told
his friend, on their way to Farbucks. "An
excuse to ask philosophical questions is
an excuse to ask philosophical questions."
Immediately arriving at the counter, Philip
asked the barista, "When is civil disobedience justified?" The barista stopped what he
was doing, and the two of them had an engaging conversation on the issue for nearly
three hours. Then, the barista was fired. ~

�UPCOMING

E VENTS

Tuesday 03/24
All kazoo marching band practice
on the roof of Mellon.
4AM
Dining Hall serving sauteed campus bunny-get it while it's hot!
11:30AM
Wednesday 03/25
All classes meet as scheduled ...
upside down?
9AM
Impromptu horseback Frisbee
game on quad followed by horseback ice cream social in McDowell 33 .
2:31 PM
Screening of educational film, "So
You Married A Johnnie?" in FSK.
8PM
Thursday 03/26
SPRJNG BREAK BEGINS
AGAIN!!!
lOPM
Friday 03/27
Lecture: All Program authors
return from the dead to wordlessly
throw pies at each other for an
hour and a half. No Q&amp;A session.
8PM

If you would like to see your
event on the weekly schedule,
please email sjca.gadfly@
gmail.com.

~ · ~ ~!?~
Gl~ «IID'il'il~ ~~

NCAA TO INVESTIGATE POSSIBLE WRONGDOING IN Sr.

JOHN'S ATHLETIC DEPT AND CONSIDER LIFETIME SANCTIONS

I

t was only a matter of time. Following high-profile scandals in Syracuse basketball, University of North Carolina basketball and football, and the once storied and unimpeachable
backgammon program at Princeton, St. John's now finds itself embroiled in its own version,
which school officials are calling "outrageous", "an insult to our academic identity", and "a
good laugh". The NCAA Committee for Integrity and Honesty in Wicket-Based Athletics announced on Friday that it is opening an investigation of the centuries-old croquet program,
looking specifically into how players are recruited, how strictly their academic requirements are
enforced, and how alleged perks-monetary and otherwise-have been channeled to them for
years. CAIHWBA spokesperson Brouha Strictnorm confidently stated, "Well, it's a very tough
decision to make, there are a lot of balls in the air and on the field and whatnot. The truth is,
we're really looking for the deciding factor to push our decision one way or the other."
Indeed, eyebrows have been rising for some time around campus, with the appearance
of subtle but suspicious signs that the balance between academics and athletics at St. John's
was shifting. The gleaming 24,000-person capacity Mallet Dome facility, which appeared
suddenly during Spring Break 2010 and all but dwarfed
FSK; the hiring of a former University of Oklahoma ' '
Indeed, eyebrows
Athletic Director as the Assistant Dean of Admissions;
have been rising for
the housing of croquet players in the Varsity Yacht; not
some time around
to mention the ever-growing share of incoming students
campus.
with physiques resembling more that of an Olympic
athlete than of a student of Olympus.
Not everyone is so sure that something is amiss, however. One anonymous student (who 's
a junior, living on the 3rd floor at Gilliam) opined, "I guess it kind of makes sense now, but I
really didn't think there was anything unethical going on with croquet players. I mean, I did
think it was kinda strange that they were allowed to Facetime into seminars, and that when they
did participate it was usually to say something like 'Yeah, what he said', but it never occurred
to me that they were getting special treatment or anything like that. I thought it was just another
example of St. John's' constant push to innovate and embrace new technology".
Another student, who we'll call Shillabong Engelhoof: "Sure, yeah, there's the yacht, the cars,
the 'no-show' courses with no reading requirements and only a diorama as the final project, but I
thought this was in keeping with the St. John's philosophy that every student personally design
and customize his/her own study program that best fit his/her needs."
Ultimately, St. John's will have to decide which is more important, the lure of the funds
coming from alumni boosters and television rights for the post-season tournaments or the purity
of its academic mission. Some are defending the croquet program, arguing that it goes hand-in
hand with everything the school stands for. As the current Assistant Croquet Coach Falable
Croinkerblust-Head Coach Spratt was on a recruiting trip to Turks and Caicos, and therefore
unavailable-put it, "Of course, right now everyone's piling on the croquet program, but they
don't realize that it's because of high-profile revenue sports that other, niche sports at St. John's
like basketball, soccer, and tennis are possible. Do you think St. John's could afford to have
its precious intramural soccer field if it weren't for the money croquet brings in? Oh, and this
'Great Books' thing the school is so proud of. Do you have any idea how dusty those old books
get? Do you think they think they get dusted for free?" ~

Sophomore's Mediocre Essay on
Dante Improved by Elaborate
Page-by-Page Illustrations

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                    <text>ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE LIBRARY

131 1 1 11696 01166J1li1~i i i1 1 171001
1 1 1 111~11mm111 1 1 1 1 1 1
Letter from the Admissions Office • 02
KWP Presents Arcadia • 03
On Brown's The Boy in the Boat • 06
A Typewriter for the Internet Era • 07
ST. JoHN's COLLEGE• 60 COLLEGE AvE, ANNAPOLIS, MD 21401 •APR. 7, 2015 • VoL. XXXVI • IssuE 13

�02

THE GADFLY

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER
OF ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE

60 COLLEGE AVENUE
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND 21401
SJCA.GADFLY@GMAIL.COM
WWW.ISSUU.COM/SJCGADFLY
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SJCAGADFLY

Founded in 1980, the Gadfly is the student newsmagazine distributed to over
600 students, faculty, and staff of the Annapolis campus.
Opinions expressed within are the sole
responsibility of the author(s). The Gadfly reserves the right to accept, reject, and
edit submissions in any way necessary
to publish a professional, informative,
and thought-provoking newsmagazine.
The Gadfly meets on the Lower Level of
the BBC every Sunday at 7pm.
Articles should be submitted by Friday
at 11:59 PM to sjca.gadfly@gmail.com.
STAFF

Sebastian Barajas• Editor-in-Chief
Allison Tretina • Editor-in-Chief
Kira Anderson • Staff
Frederick Nesfield • Staff
Malori Richards • Staff
CONTRIBUTORS

Eva Brann
Jae Holzman
Patricia Locke
Sawyer Neale
Siqi Zhao
Admissions Office

From the Editors:
D

earest Johnnies, an important note:
The final issue of the year will
appear the last week of the semester, May
4-8, and we will be dedicating the issue
to our graduating seniors- the 100-plusmember Class of 2015. We will feature
profiles, interviews, and odes from
underclassmen. But, most importantly,
we would like contributions from
seniors! Reflections on your Annapolis
years? Wisdom to pass along? We are
interested in your thoughts. Send your
prose to the Gadfly by Friday, May 1.
And, as always, everyone is welcome to
submit! We look forward to highlighting
this year's graduating class. +

Accepted Students' Day:
An Invitation from Admissions
Hello Polity! The Admissions Office will be hosting the annual Accepted Students Day on
Saturday, April 11th. This is a large event which takes place in all major spaces on campus.
It is a wonderful event for the Class of 2019; for some, it is their first experience on campus,
others are seasoned visitors and are taking this opportunity to get to know their potential
classmates.
At this point, these students have been bombarded with our stunning Admissions
Propaganda, and they've examined the reading list 1,000 times. They understand
the curriculum, and our approach to liberal education. They're on board with education for education's sake, and they're OK answering the question, "But what do you
DO with that?" from well-meaning relatives, neighbors, teachers and friends for the
next four years. They're well-read and well-informed about the academic program.
What they are lacking is exposure to the community that lives and breathes this program.
It is the Polity that makes this Program a reality, and their lack of exposure to the Polity
is precisely what we are trying to address at this event. This exposure is mutual-while
we want the Accepted Students to get a sense of the current Polity, we want you to get a
sense of this class too. We'd like you to meet these students face to face, show them around,
tell them about your annual essay, and break bread with them. We'd also like to have all
the club archons available for an activities fair (similar to the All College Fair in August).
And so, we urge you, comrades and citizens in the Republic: do not let this day's distractions
become disruptions. Instead, rise up and meet the class of 2019; welcome them to the College.
Next fall, these students will join you on the quad after seminar, sing to you at Freshman Chorus
concerts, and marvel at the mysteries of the axolotls. They will live next door to you, sit next
to you in the All College Seminar, and come to you for Greek Assistance. Don't wait until Convocation to feast your eyes upon the inheritors of your legacy. Come to the Accepted Students
Day and help welcome these students and their families on April 11th. We hope to see you there!
For details, or to volunteer time that day, please contact Brittany McBride at 410980-9149, email Brittany.McBride@sjc.edu, or just stop by. the Carroll Barrister House.

The Power of Liberal Arts Education
Jae Holzman

N52

When I was told that I would be attending St. John's College in Annapolis, Maryland (a
"liberal arts" college), I was given no option.
My personal choice had been Reed College in Portland, Oregon, also a Liberal Arts college, but blessedly some 2700 miles away from my New York home. My dad, who was paying the bills, wanted to mute my inclination for mischief in the city where he was born, and
thus I was sentenced to St. Johns, with no right of appeal.
Johnnies read and argued the actual books upon which western civilization had shaped
its own evolution, The original texts, if by the Greeks, we read in Greek, Attic Greek-the
language of Plato and Aristotle.
I was thrown off the deep end without water wings or redress.
My class attendance was ragged. I spent long hours in the electronics hut, the machine
sh op, for three up-and-down years; then I left St. John's with an unstoppable urgency to
begin my personal journey.
Though I left St. John's with a sense of the incomplete, my exposure to the college
guides my every step. It was the Liberal Arts, with its respect for truth, the felicitous use of
language, and an appreciation for precision and logic in "process." These seeped into who I
was "becoming" and would become. Happily, there was no escape.
The Liberal arts are not unlike a carom shot in billiards-touching your head and your
heart. The ball bounces off the cushion in your line of sight and then careens around the
table, coming at you from odd angles. You instinctively integrate the multi disciplines of
the Liberal Arts, build upon them, and then bequeath those benefits to the generations that
follow. +

03

THE GADFLY

KING WILLIAM PLAYERS PRESENTS ARCADIA
Tom Stoppard's Arcadia merges science with human concerns and ideals, examining the universe's infl.uence in our
everyday lives and ultimate fates through the relationship
between past and present, order and disorder, and the certainty of knowledge. Set in an English country house in the
years 1809-1812and1989, the play examines the lives
of two modern scholars and the house's current residents
with the lives of those who lived there 180 years earlier.
Director Carlos Henninger took some time to discuss his
production, which plays in a couple of weeks on April 24
and 25 at 8pm in the FSK auditorium.
First, what made you decide you wanted to direct Arcadia?
I saw it, but I was sure it couldn't be done at St. John's. For one, it
takes place in Derbyshire, and there was no way I could find twelve
Johnnies capable of passable English accents. For two, the characters are really wonderfully complex, and I didn't know if students
like myself with limited acting experience and Great Books to ponder
would be able to do them justice. For three, I was pretty set on directing Antigone when Arcadia waltzed into my life (only plays starting
with the letter A for me, thanks), so there was just nothing to be done
about it. No reason to even consider. I still broke down and bought
a copy of the script, though. Just for fun- for reading on the train.
But then I was rereading, fantasizing about certain scenes and how
a fellow might stage them, and how maybe if you changed "rather"
to "really" and "bloody" to another word American accents would
be fine, and wasn't Hannah Edwards spectacular in that play Sophomore year, and who really cares about some crazy girl obsessed with
death in Ancient Greece? And then I was directing Arcadia, and there
was nothing to be done about it.
Did you face any difficulties putting this production together?
I did indeed. We had a couple cast and crew members bow out near
the beginning because of their schedules, and while they told me insanely early and it was completely fine, it may have induced some
minor panic attacks. Besides that, Arcadia is the first play I've ever
directed, and figuring out what needed the most time and attention
(plus how to actually administer that attention competently) was
something I had to learn a little bit on the fly. But the people who are
making this play with me have turned what could have been terrifying into, honestly, one of the best experiences of my life. Still got a
couple more weeks, though. Difficulties may yet be lurking. Will keep
you posted.
What would you say this play is about?
It's basically Jaws meets Les Miserables. No, that's not true. That
would be ridiculous. But it's kind of hard to say what it's actually
about. Here, let's give it a go: It's about a rakish-but-lovable liberal
arts tutor in England circa 1809 who discovers that the 13-yearold girl
he teaches may well be a genius. It's about a pair of modern day academics who descend upon an English country house, and through no
fault of their own stumble onto the story of the house's past residents.
It's about Byronic poetry and landscape architecture and whether
to sleep with that skeezy guy who keeps negging your last book; it's
about chaos versus order, science versus philosophy, sex and waltz-

ing versus the inevitable heat death of the universe. And it's really
funny. Which is to say, a hell of a thing to describe.

What were some of your favorite memories directing this play?
Casting: it was wonderful, although I did end up making a bunch of
people sit in a hallway doing nothing for a few hours. It's a very music
heavy show, so picking what songs to play when was great, if really
stressful. Probably the best part of the whole experience, though, was
watching all the actors go from people I thought might someday be
sort of right for the role to people who were embodying their characters and bringing to life my favorite scenes in ways I never would
have hoped for. It was all the moments where I got to stop directing
and just sit back to watch my favorite play.
If you could have your audience take away one thing from the
show, what would it be?Okay, this is a really difficult question. I think what I most want
people to take away from this play is its profound connection to the
Program. Arcadia for me has always felt like St. Johns, both in what
the College strives to be and what it is. Anyone can enjoy it, but I
strongly believe that engaging with the texts we engage with- and
in the way that we do so-makes us uniquely prepared as a polity to
receive what this play has to offer. Arcadia is full of ideas, and it's full
of people grappling with them in deeply personal ways. I want students to come out of this play having seen the worst and the best of
themselves in it, having been reminded of why they fell in love with
knowledge (or the lack thereof) in the first place.+

l
lt

�04

THE GADFLY

St.Paul,lVIinnesota

Kenton County, Kentucky

Around the U.S.

Where's the Pizza?: Papa Dimitri's Classic Pizza and Ice Cream
in St. Paul, Minnesota, was exposed as a front for marijuana sales,
which were delivered in pizza boxes. "Police began investigating the
shop last summer, after receiving reports that it was rarely open and
sold very few pizzas," Mental Floss explains. "Someone had noticed
that the employees went out to eat lunch. Employees also complained about the lack of heat in the building, despite the presence
of pizza ovens." According to the Huffington Post, matters came to
a head when the postal service reported three intercepted packages

containing a total 37 pounds of marijuana. The owner, Ryan Dimitri
Brooks, was arrested last Friday, along with his mother, his 82-yearold grandmother, and a woman he lives with.

05

THE GADFLY

--~(6;;;;;;;;;~--1,-~r-~=::;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;:;::;J~:::::::

lVIaywood, Illinois
Better (Not) Drink My Own!: According to Smithsonian.com, a
2014 study from Loyola University Chicago on the causes of urinary tract infections has found that urine isn't sterile, much to the
chagrin of aspiring mountaineers worldwide. When researchers
utilized an analysis technique called expanded quantitative urine
culture (EQUC), they found that urine from individuals unaffected
by infections does, in fact, have bacteria in it, completely debunking the decades-long notion of urine as being completely sterile.
''While traditional urine cultures have been the gold standard to
identify urine disorders in the past, they do not detect most bacteria and have limited utility as a result," said Dr. Alan Wolfe, one of
the researchers who headed this study.

Good Thing I Brought My Library Card: Democratic Lieutenant
Gubernatorial candidate Johnathan Masters was reminded to return his library books in the worst way possible: a trip to the local
police station. After allegedly not returning a library book to Kenton County library for 11 years, Masters, an activist and campaign
coordinator turned candidate, was arrested while driving to a local
radio station for an interview, the Huffington Post report. He was
initially pulled over for an expired sticker on his car, but when the
arresting officer checked his record and saw an outstanding warrant for "theft by failure to make required disposition of property,"
Masters was arrested and held for roughly 3 hours. Masters, who
was arrested in February for allegedly harassing the dean of a local
university, whom he challenged to a boxing match, is reportedly
using his arrest as motivation in the race. He is showing no intention of dropping out.

Charlottesville, Virginia
''You Fucking Racist!": When third-year honor student at the University of Virginia, Martese Johnson, tried to enter the Trinity Irish
Pub with a fake ID, he had a bloody arrest. Cavalier Daily, the student-run newspaper, reports Martese charged the police trying to
arrest his with "resisting arrest, obstructing justice without threats
of force and profane swearing or intoxication." A video of the arrest
revealed that the student, bloody and pinned to the ground, yelled
at an officer, ''You fucking racist!" The student group Black Dot on
the campus emailed the Cavalier Daily. The email read, "Outside
of the doors of Trinity Irish Pub, a mass of university students bore
witness to the officer's animalistic, insensitive and brute handling
of Martese."

Athens, Georgia
Stanford, California
Prestigious Doesn't Have to Mean Elite: One prestigious university is taking a big step to make education more accessible: Stanford
University. As of March 27, 2015, parents with an annual family incomes below $125,000 and typical assets will be expected to pay no
Stanford tuition. According to Mic News, parents had to make less
than $100,000 in order to qualify for free tuition. But considering
that the median household income nationally was around $52,000
in 2013, Stanford was really only a school for the elite. Libby Nelson,
at Vax, pointed out that the median family income at the university
was estimated to be around $125,000 in 2010-an income shared by
at least the upper middle class.

Flagstaff, Arizona
Woman Finds God (In Her Molars): Kym Ackerman had an X-ray
worthy of a new Passion from Bach, according to the Huffington
Post. During a routine dental check-up, Ackerman, 35, saw a spot
with what she claimed was a stark resemblance to Jesus. After getting concurrence from a baffied hygienist, Ackerman now plans to
frame her X-ray. "My mom passed away from breast cancer when
I was 17, so when I saw this, I thought, 'That's my guardian angel',"
Ackerman said. Her dentist, however, seemed less enthused. Upon
agreeingthat the X-ray indeed had holy resemblances, "He wasn't as
excited as we were," Ackerman said.

\

Austin, Texas
Park It Like It's Hot: After being featured in a photo on rap sensation Snoop Dogg's Instagram with the caption, "Men my deputy
dogg [sic]," Texas State Department of Public Safety trooper Billy
Spears is being forced to undergo counseling, according to the
Dallas Morning News. After the photo, which was taken while he
was providing security for the Southwest music festival in Austin,
surfaced, Spears was unofficially reprimanded by the department,
which said that taking a photo with a figure with such a "well
known criminal background ... reflects poorly on the Agency." In response to this photo, Spears was forced to undergo a counseling session with a superior officer, a form of unofficial reprimand from the
Department. Trooper Spears was told to be mindful of the impact of
photos with figures such as Snoop Dogg, who received 4x platinum
status for his debut album Doggystyle. Trooper Spears' attorney has
responded that Spears was unaware of the rapper's criminal history,
saying that, "Believe it or not, some folks don't watch TMZ or read
People Magazine."

Walkerton, Indiana
Homophobia Earns Business $1 Million Dollars: Owners of Memories Pizzeria in Walkerton, Indiana made nearly $1 million dollars by
promoting homophobia. Last week co-owner Crystal O'Connor spoke
out in favor of Indiana's notorious Religious Freedom Restoration
Act, a legislative effort that many consider to be a deliberate effort
to legalize discrimination against gay and lesbians in the state. For
O'Connor, the law would protect the pizzeria's status as a "Christian
establishment," allowing the pizzeria to refuse to cater a gay or lesbian wedding, ABC reports. Here's where the money comes in: After
O'Connor spoke forthright about his company's stance, the pizzeria
was inundated with comments, threats, and negative reviews. This
influx of responses caused the pizzeria to shut down temporarily. So
the co-owner set up a GoFundMe account "to relieve the financial
loss endured by the proprietors' stand for faith." It raised $842,387
within days.

300-pound, 10 ft. Rooster Stolen: Harris, owner of Lexington
Village, an art studio and store in Athens, Georgia, commissioned
a sculpture of a rooster to draw attention to the shop. "Rocket
the Rusty Rooster" is a ten-foot-tall, brightly colored, 300-pound
rooster. According to CBS news, it disappeared from in front of the
shop sometime last Friday night or early Saturday morning, just
hours before it was scheduled to be welded in place on a metal
platform. "The rooster is valued at $3000, but Harris is concerned
that whoever took it might sell it for a few dollars in scrap," Mental
Floss explains. "The perpetrator of the fowl play will face felony
charges."

Tallahassee, Florida
Punished for Phrase "Climate Change": Florida is the first state
in the nation to punish someone for talking about climate change.
According to the Guardian, Barton Bibler, a land management plan
coordinator at the State Lands section of the Florida department
of Environment Protection, will have to take a leave of absence and
submit to a mental health examination. Why? Because he included
the phrase "climate change" in official notes during a Florida
Coastal Managers Forum teleconference on March 4. Apparently
there has been a de facto ban on the mention of climate change
since 2011, when Republican Rick Scott took office. "I think it's
ridiculous that there is a ban on speaking about climate change in
the state of Florida," Bibler said. "I didn't know there was such a
ban... I sort of stumbled [into] it!'

�06

THE GADFLY

A Book Report:
On Daniel jam es Browns The Boys in the Boat
Eva Brann

Tutor

And that's the next point. It was the West of the West that was
Kimo Mackey, Annapolis Alumnus (1976), also father, brother, uncle to alumni, is a racing sailor, boat restorer and reader of the kind of representing the United States. All the boys belonged to the working
book I love-books by and for sailors. (I used to sail a little sloop of my class of the Northwest. Here again, there's a personal note: I spent
own, which now belongs to the college.) When he's finished he sends a glorious year playing hooky from St. John's, teaching at Whitman
me a copy. With this last one, he hit the spot, big time, and I want to College in Walla Walla, Washington. There I fell in love with Northwestern scenic beauty and learned to respect just that Northwesttell about it, especially since St. John's is a rowing school.
It's about the nine boys who won the gold medal for the main row- ern character depicted in the book-America was then, and still is,
ing event in Berlin at the Olympics that the Nazis mounted three blessedly regional. It's what you might call cultural philisinism with
years after they seized power. The book has so many resonances that a descant of moral heroism and a continuo of plain decency. By "phiI hardly know where to start. That's in spite of the fact that compe- listinism" I mean those good old tunes sung to a pluncky banjo on
tition plays a huge role in it- a passion which leaves me baffled; at weekdays plus Italian opera on Sundays; in other words, what I'm
not so fond of.
most, I'd go for "personal best." (Decades
Competitive rowing is physically excruago I read a joke, probably in an old Readciating-real pain, and morally extremeer's Digest, that describes my state perfectreal self-sacrifice. But there is a huge rely: Father takes little daughter to football
THE
ward, called being in "the swing"; we'd say
game. Watching her first scrimmage, she
asks, "Daddy, couldn't we buy each team
"in the zone." It's a sort of ecstatic concentration- being at once beyond and within
its own ball?")
Except for that, it's a book I took peroneself. And the boat becomes a living unit,
an organism.
sonally but also a book for us all. So first:
IN T H E
To my mind, our college is one- of sevI was born in Berlin, a German Jew in the
eral possible- model communities. Among
Nazi era. For the Olympics, Gobbels' prothe topics we are all, students and tutors,
poganda ministry had cleaned up the city;
in a good place to reflect on, is this one:
the "Jews not welcome" signs displayed in
What are the kinds of communion that may
most shops had been stored away. Now, the
coxswain of the University of Washington
hold a community together, of which "the
shell, the Husky Clipper, was the, later
swing" is one, beautifully delineated in this
book?
legendary, runt (that's in the job descripThat brings me to my last item. Extion for coxswains, as for jockeys), Bobby
tremely well-researched detail, put into
Moch. The coxswain is the practical wisbated-breath order in visualizable landom (phronesis) incarnate of a row boat.
guage, is one of the virtues of Brown's book.
He receives the strategy from the coach
and tweaks, even scraps it, in execution.
Of these, the element I liked best is the one
That is, he calls the strokes per minute,
that fills a lack in our lives with the Profrom a leisurely 28 to a flying 44. On the
Hardcover I ISBN 97806700258171416 Pages gram. We are, after all, devoted to theory
and to amateurism-to living theory, to be
eve of the crew's departure to Germany,
4 June 2013 I Viking I Adult
sure, and to amateurism taken literally:
Moch got a letter from his father revealing
the family secret: They were Jewish. So
"the lover's way" (not to be confused with
when Moch stood on the podium to receive his gold, surrounded by amateurishness, that is cluelessness). So much the more do I like to
swastikas, something was, unbeknownst to the world, being proved, read about the ways of craftsmanlike production, how it's done when
an evil intention was being secretly nullified. Jesse Owens' four golds it's done with expertise and love. The Boys in the Boat has a lot about
in track were the more public counterpart, as was heavyweight Joe building these slender marvels that accomodate very skinny behinds
Louis's defeat of Germany's Max Schmeling a couple of years later. and very long bodies. One of the lovingly detailed heroes is George
A Jew and two black men were undermining the Nazi myth of Aryan Yeoman Pocock, who built, with hand tools, these sleek shells, clad in
racial superiority. ''Whom the gods would destroy they first make paper-thin cedar shingles, and who was a fountain of rowing wisdom,
blind," say the Greeks; a less deluded leadership would have read from technical detail to transcendent insight. In his sayings you can
the omens: their nemesis was readying in the West. One of the excel- smell the pungent sweetness of the wood.
A last delight: The Greek epigram in front is from that most magilences of Brown's book is that, unlike some writers born in the later
twentieth century, he is vividly aware of the ominousness of these cal of sailors' books, the Odyssey: actually from Book V, Lines 220,
Olympics and of that Germany, and so, of the service "the boys in 223.And all the accents are correct.+
boat" did to human decency.

07

THE GADFLY

A Typwriter for the Internet Age
Siqi Zhao

A'16

it has. So the user can really focus on the text and nothing else.
You are reading an article written in LaTeX.
The philosophy of developing new softwares now is basically
Are you distracted by the format settingofMicrosoft Word? Do you hate
to use mouse all the time when you onlywantto type and type you essay? towards user-friendliness. However, it might be very efficient for
Are you troubled by the mathematical formula typing system in Word? entertainment or performing a task, but text-editing is quite difNow it is the time to switch to other document preparation systems. ferent. Comfortableness is quite secondary, but the smoothness of
First, For anyone who wants to go into the fields of science the convey of your thought into text is more primary; the beauty of
and engineering, it is never too late to switch to LaTeX. LaTeX the interface, the quality of the design cannot inspire one's writing.
Markdown is developed under that philosophy
is a markup language that is widely used for
RStudio(an open source integrated development
the communication and publication of scienvironment (IDE) for R, a programming language
LaTeX follows the
entific documents in many fields, including mathematics, physics, computer science,
design philosophy of for statistical computing and graphics.) as the environment to use Markdown, since the user can do
statistics, economics, and political science.
separating presentasome programming and formula writing to compenLaTeX follows the design philosophy of sepation from content ...
sate the lack of complex functions in Markdown.
rating presentation from content, so that auit helps you focus on
Even for social science academic writers,
thors can focus on the content of what they are
the logical structure
comparing to MS Word, it still has its advanwriting without attending simultaneously to its
tages. Less distraction, version track, automatand the content of
visual appearance. Therefore it helps you focus
on the logical structure and the content of your
your essay, instead of ic layout, etc. Many people have complained
that when they open a Word file, most of the
essay, instead of the appearance. Also, you no
the appearance:'
time is spent on changing the font or margin,
longer need to worry about the required formats.
For example, if you want to write in APA (American Psychological but MarkDown is a software that is free from those distractions.
Another software is very convenient to use with Markdown +
Association), you just need to type\usepackage{apacite} at the beginning of your essay. If you want to change to MLA(Modern Language RStudio is Pandoc. It is a tool that can convert formats for text
Association), you do not need to change every citation, you only documents (of course it does not support MS word documents),
need to change the previous line you wrote to \usepackage{mlacite}, you can use it easily convert .tex (format for LaTeX), .pdf, .md (forand that's all, the software will do the rest of format changing. mat for Markdown), and around twenty other types of formats.
All in all, writing is a process of expressing one's thought
Other advantages of LaTeX include: automatic generation of table
of content (which is pretty useful for senior essay writing), gradu- through words. Many great writers prefer to use a typewriter, I
ate school preparation(LaTeX is a required skill for many science guess Markdown + RStudio is a typewriter for Internet Era.
programs), paper publishing(many publishers and journals only
accept submissions in .tex format), speed (just think how much
Related links:
time will it take to open a two hundred page word document), etc.
R: www.r-project.org
However, the disadvantage of this word processor is also obviRstudio: www.rstudio.com
ous. First of all, you have to learn its commands. For example, bold
Latex: www.latex-project.org
is not simply by pressing Control+ B, but by typing \textbfD. And
many other commands like that you have to memorize. Secondly,
this text intermingles with code command makes it harder to reread
and edit. You have to convert it into a .pdf file to view the text only.
But for scientific writing, or for Johnnies who want to eventually
+Len Sive, Jr. (GI)
write one of the beloved St. John's Manuals (Yes, our manuals are
written in LaTeX), it is the necessary tool to use. And after certain
"Little toad on the street
time of practice, all those difficulties can be overcome.
Why croak ye me as if to greet?"
Despite the fact that LaTeX is the standard text editor for most
"Because I'm lost, Sir, please take me home."
of the academic journals, it was indeed invented before the idea of
He wept and wept, "I'm all alone."
PCs. Many of the commands of LaTeX might seem to be counterintuitive. So the newer solution of this problem is a text editor called
He was an ugly toad, 'tis true,
MarkDown. It is an invention in the Internet Era; it is more compatThough toads I've known so very fewible with the modern habits of PC users, and it is very easy to learn.
But could I leave him there to lie?
Markdown is a easy-to-write plain text processor. That is to
For on the street he'd surely die.
say, the author can focus only on the text itself. It comes only
Now croaks he oft, by the bye;
with a little grammar. # means first class title, ## means secHe croaks, We're friends, you and I."
ond class title, etc; text between * * is italicized, between ** **
is bold; citation starts with &gt;, and that is almost all the grammar

''

+

Little Toad

�08

UPCOMING
EVENTS
Tuesday 04/07
Crossfit
11 :40AM
Kunai
4PM
Fencing
7:30 PM

Wednesday 04/08
Crossfit
11:40 AM
St. John's Chorus, Great Hall
7 PM

Thursday 04/09
Crossfit
11:40AM
Friday 04/10
Crossfit
11:40AM

THE GADFLY

Patricia Locke

Tutor

Perhaps you are tired of the long Russian winter? This may cheer you up: an hour in the
kitchen and a nurturing supper. Note one of the rare moments in which the Bros K enjoy
one another's company takes place around the dinner table in a tavern:
"--you don't live on tea alone, do you?" cried Ivan, apparently terribly pleased that he
had managed to lure Alyosha....
"I'll have fish soup, and then tea, I'm hungry," Aloysha said cheerfully.
"And cherry preserve? They have it here. Do you remember how you loved cherry preserve at Polenov's when you were little?"
"You remember that? I'll have fish soup, tea, and preserve."
Ivan rang for the waiter and ordered fish soup, tea, and preserve.

+

Feeds 10, (or lasts for 3 days at the end of writing period).
3 quarts of fish stock, or water doctored up with a couple of bottles of store-bought clam
juice
2 onions, chopped
4 large carrots, peeled and sliced into rounds
3 celery stalks chopped, and all the leaves from the center
2 zucchinis, cubed, or 1 cup green beans if either are available. if not, how about a root
vegetable?
3 potatoes, cubed
2 lb. fish: salmon, white fish, clams, mussels: whatever you've got, or is fresh at the
market. When based on wild-caught king salmon, this soup is locally called, "Jet Fuel." By
local, I mean the Pacific Northwest, and it can fuel intense writing. But I digress...
Salt and pepper
Handful of chopped fresh parsley or 1 T dried dill
1 cup heavy cream, warmed (or at least room temp).
1. Saute the onions in butter or olive oil, then add the fish stock. Bring to a boil, then add
other vegetables, dill, s &amp; p and simmer until potatoes aren't too hard.
2. Raise heat and add fish; cook for 5-8 minutes, just till cooked through. Turn down the
h eat and gradually whisk in warm cream. Taste and correct seasonings. Serve with crusty
bread, or a dry roll from Alyosha's pocket.

+

If you would like to see your
event on the weekly schedule,
please email sjca.gadfiy@
gmail.com.

3 cups fresh cherries, pitted, preferably Rainer. Darker varieties will heighten the Russian deptessive effect. Or
1 &amp; 1/2 cup dried sour cherries (@Trader Joes).
2/3 cup ruby port
3/4 cup dry red wine
6 Tablespoons sugar, or to taste
1 cinnamon stick (2-3" long)
3/4 tsp black pepper (yes, it is essential)
2 tsp. cornstarch
2 tsp red-wine vinegar
1. Bring cherries, port, wine sugar, cinnamon stick, pepper, and a pinch of salt to a boil
over moderate heat.
2 . Stir cornstarch and vinegar together until lumps are gone, then stir into boiling ch erries. Boil one minute, then remove from h eat and cover. Let stand 15 minutes, while you
get the samovar boiling. Serve with hot tea.
Za vas! +

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                    <text>s1·. JOHN'S COLLEGE LIBRA.RY

131 1 1 1696~1 1 i~1~01166m,1i 11 1 791011111111
1 1 1 1 1 1 1 1 i~1
Fifteen Years of DC Failure • 02
Sophomore on B&amp;G • 03
A Book Review By Eva Brann• 04
ST.

JOHN'S COLLEGE.

60

COLLEGE AVE, ANNAPOLIS,

MD 21401 • APR.. 28, 2015. VOL.

XXXVI. ISSUE

15

�02

THE GADFLY

THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER
OF ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE

60 COLLEGE AVENUE
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND

21401

SJCA.GADFLY@GMAIL.COM
WWW.ISSUU.COM/SJCGADFLY
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SJCAGADFLY

Founded in 1980, the Gadfly is the student newsmagazine distributed to over
600 students, faculty, and staff of the Annapolis campus.
Opinions expressed within are the sole
responsibility of the author(s). The Gadfly reserves the right to accept, reject, and
edit submissions in any way necessary
to publish a professional, informative,
and thought-provoking newsmagazine.
The Gadfly meets on the Lower Level of
the BBC every Sunday at 7pm.
Articles should be submitted by Friday
at 11:59 PM to sjca.gadfly@gmail.com.
STAFF

Sebastian Barajas • Editor-in-Chief
Allison Tretina• Editor-in-Chief
Kira Anderson • Staff
Frederick Nesfield • Staff
Malori Richards • Staff

CONTRIBUTORS

Eva Brann
Erik Neave
Joseph Garry
Erik Neave

From the Editors:

This is to our
Our beloved Johnnies:fun sized)beissue
last normal (albeit
of the year, followed only by our special
Farewell-Don't-Let-the-Bubble-Burston-Your-Way-Out-Seniors issue (Or the
Seniors Issue, for short). It will be a time of
great mourning when we burn the seniors
at the stake- but great rejoicing when they
are reborn from the ashes as freshmen.
And this is our last chance, Johnnies, to
tell these special people how much you
love them ... before it's too late.
Yours in preemptive mourning,
-The Gadfly

Fifteen Years of Failure
The story of the Delegate Council
Joseph Garry A'.18

T

his Wednesday (4/15), I was invited
to a meeting of the Delegate Council.
I was told that some important, or at least
sensational legislation would be placed on
the table. I was not disappointed. As it turns
out, there has been an ongoing conflict in
the DC about whether or not Reality needs
to submit a charter immediately, or if it can
wait, or if they even need to submit one at
all. They have a number of archons who
are operating as if there was a charter, but
the fact remains that no charter has been
submitted since 1999. The issue has been
basically ignored as of late, owing to the DC
spending all of it's funds and generally having more pressing budget issues.
However the issue was finally discussed
to a very full extent in the previous DC
meeting when members of the DC who
are adamant about Reality needing to be
chartered submitted a charter for Reality,
despite not being archons themselves, or intending to be. This was clearly a move that
was considered by many members of the
DC to be at the very least insulting to the
existing archons of Reality, many of whom
are members of the DC (whether or not
members of the DC also being archons of
Reality, which in terms of spending makes
up somewhere around at least 30% of the
DC spending, is a conflict of interest is up
for the polity and the DC to decide).
This charter was inevitably shot down,
and was regarded by those who had proposed it not so much a genuine attempt to
charter Reality, but to motivate the Reality
archons to finally submit a charter of their
own, a feat which has not been accomplished for 15 years running. I had heard of
all this information before coming to the
meeting by talking to the members of the
DC who had proposed this charter, but the
real surprise for me didn't come until the
vote for this charter.
I had of course expected the vote to be
against the chartering of this new/fake Reality, and I was not incorrect, but the conduct of the members of the DC was rather
disgusting. Once those who had proposed
the charter had left the room, most members of the DC lost all sense of decorum.
While none went as far as to openly mock
the charter and those who proposed it, the
conduct of those voting for the most part
was incredibly rude, and I was personally astonished that those we have elected

to represent the polity would act in the
manner they did, regardless of how absurd
they thought a charter. In addition, during
the discussion involving both this charter,
and the theoretical one that current Reality
archons would provide, a few members of
the DC became very emotional and flippant
to say the least.
Later in the meeting a Reality archon
promised that the Reality charter would
be submitted by Sunday, and from the
next meeting onward the DC could work
on finding issues in this new charter and
fixing wording to their satisfaction. That
being done, it was agreed upon by the DC
that they would in fact not have a Sunday
meeting, but rather push the meeting back
3 days, for another lunch time Wednesday
meeting. On top of that, it was agreed that
Reality could continue spending money, and
have access to bank accounts, all without a
charter.
One of the members of the DC was very
fond of saying that Reality has 15 years of
precedence, that despite Reality spending an amount of money that takes up a
majority of the DC budget, it doesn't need a
charter, because for 15 years the DC hasn't
required them to have it. But during this
same meeting, it seems that the DC has set
another precedent by allowing Reality to
continue to spend money without a charter,
which violates DC budgeting policy. A
moratorium failed to pass which would've
prevented this unchartered club from
spending money until a charter was passed.
The main reason that was openly cited by
opponents of this moratorium was the 15
years of precedence. But it seems to me that
in this case of the 15 years of precedence
that members of the DC have cited as a
reason to allow Reality to continue to operate in the manner it has been, isn't so much
15 years of precedence, but rather 15 years
of failure.
If you would like to witness the DC in
action, or see if your presence might help
in their conduct, come to their next meeting. Ask any DC member for date and time.
Members of the polity are always allowed to
attend and watch what happens, and after
my recent visit, I encourage anyone who
is at all curious to go and see for yourself
what's happening in our student government.+

03

THE GADFLY

A Sophomore Perspective on B&amp;G
Sebastian Barajas

A'l 7

ou know
Y snoopingme. I'm the one you see sweepinginthe quad and
through your recycle bin at 7:30 the morning.

this is awful, like early in the year, when there are still mosquitoes around (contrary to popular belief, these don't actually disappear until late October)-but most of the time, it's really quite
pleasant.
I won't bother to make a list of the tough parts of the job, since
B&amp;G doubters see them plainly enough. However, it is worth
noting the worst part of the job isn't carrying leaky bags of trash,
or seeing the doubt in everyone's eyes about whether we're carrying the leaky bags of trash as a punishment or a job. No, the
real worst part of working B&amp;G is trying to fill the work orders
of flaky, disorganized people (surprisingly, these are usually people who work at the college, not students). I can't tell you how
many times I've hauled heavy objects up to the third floor of an
elevator-less building, or some other exotic location, only to have
the following exchange:

"Dang;' you think to yourself, "This guy's had wall-to-wall community service the entire year." You wonder how I manage to
get in just enough trouble to have perpetual community service,
but not enough to get kicked out. You speculate that perhaps I
constantly misbehave with an exponentially decaying level of
seriousness, so that the proportionally increasing punishments
(due to any repeat offender) cancel out the decreasing seriousness of my misbehavior, leaving the absolute amount of punishment constant.
Unfortunately, I must burst your mathematical Johnnie bubble: I do not have community service-at least, not yet. Rather, I
work for B&amp;G: the only campus job that is also used as a punishment. We B&amp;G guys often ask ourselves, "What
happens if one of us gets community service?
And this is why peoUmm ... can I help you?
Do we just keep working, but without getting
We're here to deliver this refrigerator filled
paid?" So far this year, there has not been ocple ask us (even if it's
with sand.
casion to find out. And we're a little shy about
just with their eyes),
asking, since anyone in a position to answer
Huh ... No, we didn't order one. Who placed
this question will immediately ask, "Why do
"Why on earth would the order?
It just said to go to room 302.
you want to know? Are you planning on getting
you work any campus
Huh. Oh! You know what? That must've been
in trouble?"
job-let alone B&amp;G- Billy-Bob who ordered it. He's out of the counSo for us workers, punishment and work are
try right now. But you know what? That was
separate. Nevertheless, we are acutely aware of
when there are so
actually supposed to go over to Mellon.
the fact that no one is ever forced to work a limany better-paying
brary or switchboard shift as a punishment for
And we- being toughened B&amp;G veteranswrongdoing. Why is this? Is it that one or two
jobs in town?"
take the inconvenience in a professional manextra hands in the library won't make much of
ner. We acknowledge that miscommunication is as essential to
a difference, whereas one or two extra hands raking up leaves
and spit shining the president's car will help? Or is it that there
the St. John's experience as philosophy. In fact, in the old days
is something repentant about manual labor that desk jobs lack?
(before B&amp;G workers had to be treated humanely) the Polity
But even if there is something especially punitive about B&amp;G,
would use us as lab rats to practice their sophistry:
we voluntary workers can't exactly complain, since we have other options. Everybody knows this. And this is why people ask us
Umm ... can I help you?
We're here to deliver this refrigerator filled with sand.
(even if it's just with their eyes), "Why on earth would you work
Ah! Such is the human spirit: a refrigerator filled with the sands
any campus job-let alone B&amp;G- when there are so many betterpaying jobs in town?" While I see these doubters' point, I make
of sin. But can he ever truly find deliverance?
Is this the right room? 302?
the following answers, in no particular order of importance:
1) We are never required to work on weekends.
That would depend on your definition of 'right.' All things aim at
the Good, thus it was some good that brought you in here, thus its
2) B&amp;G gives us the satisfaction of beautifying our campus,
keeping pests at bay, and-when the ground is icy-saving people presence here is clearly 'right.'
Can you please just tell me where this needs to go?
from horrible injury and death. We are the weeping Indians and
Needs? It is at equilibrium: its downward tendency cancelled by
the Rangers of the North: the silent, thankless guardians of the
the upward tendency of the floor.
West. And while we are not quite Batman, we are the sorts of
people Batman would help out.
·
You know what? You can deal with it. I'm leaving.
3) Our commute is almost non-existent, saving us precious
Oh, yes, I remember now. It's supposed to go to Mellon.
minutes of sleep or work or lunch. These are the most valuable
So the wheels of progress have lifted us from the indignity of
commodities in college- second only to alcohol and closet space.
sophistical torture, and replaced it with its PC equivalent: pas4) Only B&amp;G is allowed to drive around campus, which feels
sive aggressive flakiness. Of course, in this respect, B&amp;G is hardly
really, really cool, even from the passenger seat. There is no
sense of power like stepping out of a pickup in the middle of the
unique. The world is full of flaky work orders; no job is free of
quad, and closing the door loudly behind you.
them. Neither is any job (at least in this country) entirely without its perks- since if there were not some perk, no one would
5) B&amp;G has knowledge of and access to all of the secret places
you never knew existed. Have you seen where Johnnie chairs
choose it.
The point is that we have a good job, and we do a good job- in
come from? Have you visited the Island of Lost Bikes? Did you
ever wonder where all those chairs that were out in the courtfact, we do more than our fair share of good for the campus. So
yard last year went? We know. We are B&amp;G.
the next time you see me or any other B&amp;G worker sweeping on
the quad, or rifling through your recycling at 7:30 in the morn6) Every day is different. Though most of our duties consist of
trash duty and and carting chairs and tables around campus, the
ing, do not say to yourself, "That poor, unfortunate, confused
routine gets mixed up enough to keep things interesting. Each
person;' but, "There goes a Ranger of the North, who handles
trash that would freeze my heart if I were not guarded ceasetask we perform is its own unique mixture of challenging, satisfying, bracing, and (more often than you'd think) even fun.
lessly."+
7) We get to work outside. Don't get me wrong-sometimes

''

�04

UPCOMING
EVENTS
Tuesday 04/28
Crossfit
11:40AM
Kunai
4PM
Fencing
7:30 PM

Wednesday 04/29
Crossfit
11:40AM
St. John's Chorus and
Orchestra Concer: W. A. Mozart "Great Mass" in G Minor,
Great Hall
7PM

Thursday 04/30
Crossfit
11:40AM
Intramural Basketball
Championship Game
lOPM
REALITY WEEKEND!!!!!!!!!!
If you would like to see your event
on the weekly schedule, please
email sjca.gad:fly@gmail.com.

THE GADFLY

Josh and Jordan
Book Review: Kwami Alexander, The
Crossover (Houghton Mifflin Harcourt)
Eva Brann

TUTOR
"iOlO! [XPlOSIV[I .. I lOV[ TH£ CIOSSOV[I. [VIRYONl Will"

In the interests of full disclosure:
This is a basketball story. Of our three
national sports, I positively hate
football, very much like baseball, and
toward basketball I entertain the profoundest indifference.
I'm, however, a news junkie. On a recent Newshour (MPT) I saw the author
talking about his book, and something
said "find out more,'' so I bought it.
The protagonists, identical twins
of thirteen, are almost magically good
players, the sons of a retired basketball
star, "Da Man." Their mother is the Assistant Principal at their - what used to
be called - grammar school. So at home
the Bell family talks Standard English.
Now imagine this: the story is in verse.
It's supported by some fancy typography
(an old device with many names in prosody: concrete or pattern poetry, calligrams or art chirography, etc.). The lead
metaphor is the "crossover," some sort of
dribbling trick dangerous to opponents'
ankles - I have no notion.
The diction of the poetry is Black English, the assumed lingo of Josh, the narrator. It's full of sports fanatics' in-jokes
and allusions. In all of the 237 pages I got
only two: to Michael Jordan, of course,
and a jokey version of Dr. Seuss: "eggs

-~IHI ~1om i

and green ham."
No matter. It's been ages since I've
read so hard-headed but good-hearted,
so
pathos-infused but joyous a book.
Albeit in a language I can't speak or
even quite understand - hip-hopping,
rapping or whatever - it took me only
three pages to be captivated by its lovable spirit. Give it to someone you really
like, half or fully grown-up.+

An Extremely Short Poem Containing A Very Simple and
Feasible Request To The Tutors of St. John's College In Annapolis, Maryland During Multiple Senior Orals, Which Are
Publicly Attended, And In Which-More Than Once-I Have
Been Forced, Along With Several Classmates, To Lean Forward In My Chair Trying To Hear From A Quiet And Quite
Thoughtful Person Some Probably Interesting Question Or
Comment (Which I May Now Never Know The Content Of)
That Is Lost In The Low Decibel Wasteland On Tiny Sine
Waves Through A Cavernous King William's Room-Especially When Considering The Number Of Times These Same
Tutors Request Their Students To Increase The Volume Of
Voices In Tutorials And Seminars

+ Erik G. Neave A'l6
Please
Speak up
Please

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-

ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE LIBRARY

131 1 1 116961~ 1~r~r1i1 1i~111,m11 1 82981
1 1 1 1 1 01166 1 1 1 1 1 1 1
· .,etter from the President 02
Love Letters 03
s An Idiot In High School 04
Tips On Leaving SJC 07
ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE • 60 COLLEGE AVE, ANNAPOLIS, MD 21401 • MAY 5, 2015 • VOL. XXXVI • ISSUE 16

C{ass o

2015:

You're ree.

-ci

�02

THE GADFLY
THE STUDENT NEWSPAPER
OF ST. JOHN'S COLLEGE

~ To the Class of 2015

60 COLLEGE AVENUE
ANNAPOLIS, MARYLAND 21401
SJCA.GADFLY@GMAIL.COM
WWW.ISSUU.COM/SJCGADFLY
WWW.FACEBOOK.COM/SJCAGADFLY

Founded in 1980, the Gadfly is the student
newsmagazine distributed to over 600 students, faculty, and staff of the Annapolis
campus.
Opinions expressed within are the sole
responsibility of the author(s). The Gadfly reserves the right to accept, reject,
and edit submissions in any way necessary to publish a professional, informative,
and thought-provoking newsmagazine.
Articles for the next issue should be submitted to sjca.gadfly@gmail.com.

Seniors,
A week from now, I will be wishing you well as you are hooded, diplomas
in hand, prepared for new adventures into the wider world. You will trade
being full-time members of our community to becoming permanent members, joining thousands of fellow alumni, taking St. John's College with you
wherever you go.
We wish you to know that thoughts of you and cares for your happiness will
be with us who remain behind. We will hope to hear from you, wanting to
learn how you are faring and what the future brings as you venture forth
from here. St. John's College will always be a second home to you, and we
will be pleased see you back among us from time to time.
Congratulations and Fare Well!
Christopher Nelson, President

STAFF

Sebastian Barajas • Editor-in-Chief
Allison Tretina • Editor-in-Chief
Kira Anderson • Staff
Malori Richards • Staff

CONTRIBUTORS

Cora Davis
Patricia Locke
President Nelson
Joy Perry
Melanie Swiecicki

03

THE GADFLY

A LovfV Lette.v t"o-~
5-t~ CQ-Ylt1A11iftee; o-YV
I na-vuct--'UW\I
Cora Davis

A'15

One may wonder why it is necessary to have a Student Committee on
Instruction at St. John's, and ask what function it has here at the college. As
a member of the committee for four years, I would like to give a few reasons
for why I think the SCI is a particularly wonderful slice of life at the college.
1. We have the unique opportunity at this college to actively reflect on
what end we are trying to achieve with our education and how our program
makes this possible. The open forums hosted by the SCI provide students
and tutors a place to candidly discuss questions like: Why do we say that
the seminar is the heart of the program? What is the role of demonstration
in the classroom? And my personal favorite, how is music a part of a liberal
education?
2. The all-college and extra-curricular seminars that the SCI organizes
were a fundamental part of my education here at the college. Not only did
these seminars allow me to engage with tutors and students outside of my
classes, but it was from them that I first learned one of the most important
lessons of being in a conversation: one learns by listening, not speaking.
3. During my time on the SCI the school went through a long process of
accreditation. The tutors who led this tremendous undertaking would send
drafts of the self-study and accreditation reports to members of the SCI to
seek our suggestions. I think this anecdote says something really important
about the St. John's community. Our school is a place where students are
passionately connected to their education and this passion is recognized
and respected by the faculty both inside and outside of the classroom. Other
places where we see this mutual respect is in activities like the St. John's
Chorus and the Intramurals program.
Perhaps the simplest answer as to why the Student Committee on
Instruction is a necessary part of this college can be explained by a quote
from Heidegger's Introduction to Metaphysics: "Even if we can't do anything
with it, may not philosophy in the end do something with us, provided that
we engage ourselves with it?" Thank you, St. John's College, for the gift of
engaging in philosophy.

Cora Davis
Hometown:
Baltimore, MD
Senior Essay Title:
"Better well hanged than ill wed": The
Necessary Downfall of Philosophy, and
the Grace it Receives through Faith in
Kierkegaard's Philosophical Fragments
Post-Graduate Plans:
Je vais aller en Europe pour pratiquer
mon franc;ais et de manger beaucoup de
fromage

+

From the Editors:
hen we took the reins of the
W Gadfly last spring, we inherited
a newspaper that, at the hands of the
previous editors, had become exactly
what they had hoped: an expression of
the Polity's voice, and an integral part of
the St. John's community.
We hope, a year later, that it remains
exactly that. If it does, that is entirely
thanks to our diligent staff and all those
in the community who took the time to
help fill our pages. To you all we offer
our heartfelt gratitude.
And so, we began the year with our
freshmen, and we end with our seniors.
To the Class of 2015, congratulations
and good luck! To the rest of you, see
you at Convocation!

+

I Love Seniors

Kristen Luchsinger
Hometown:
Palmer, AK
Senior Essay Title:
The Role of Beauty in Science
as Seen in the Einstein, Podolsky, and Rosen Paper and
Responsible to It within the
Context of Quantum Theory
Post-Graduate Plans:
Kick a**, go to space, represent the human race (aka,
MA Program in Astronomy at
Wesleyan University).

Anonymous

Lin Qiu
Hometown:
Hainan, China
Senior Essay Title:
"Do You Really Love Me?" An
Inquiry into Faith in Philosophical Fragments
Post-Graduate Plans:
Study philosophy of science at
Tufts University

Finally, I'm beginning to understand what Reality is all about.
My darling seniors, you've given me countless hugs and love beyond
measure. I have watched you grow and felt the pain which accompanied that growth. You inspire me. You remind me of the beauty in the
world, the beacon of friendship that can guide back home even the
most lost of wanderers. Inexorably, we were pulled together, and forever we will be intertwined. For a moment, the entirety of the threads of
our lives ran down the course of time and space together. Your laughter, your tears, your determination, your joy, your pride, your enthusiasm, your dedication: these are things that draw me to you, that make
me pause, that bring tears to my eyes because loving you is painful. I
love you so much it hurts. At times my love for you overwhelms me,
hits me in the solar plexus with the force of a solid punch. You have
cherished me, guided me, laughed with me, facilitated my own growth
and allowed me into your hearts and I will be forever grateful. +

Alice Loofbourrow
Hometown:
San Jose, CA
Senior Essay Title:
The God who dies to conquer death:
Exploring the meaning behind the music
and text of the Passion chorale in Bach's
St. Matthew Passion
Post-Graduate Plans:
I am attending Goucher's Post-baccalaureate Pre-medical program to complete
my requirements in preparation for
medical school. I am also getting married
to Charlie Allen Bruce.

�04

THE GADFLY

I WAS AN IDIOT IN HIGH SCHOOL
Sebastian Barajas

A'17

How St. Johns has and hasn't changed us

Whenever high school comes up at the lunch table, every- matured by it.
I ask people why they feel the need to be distant from their
body feels obligated to say, "I was an idiot in high school."
Written, these words have no smile in them, so I've never quite high school selves, and they reply, "Because I was an arrogant
understood why we smile when we speak them. And why is little shit, that's why. I fit every stereotype you can think of for
this sentiment so pervasive, even among Johnnies who seem the angsty Holden Caulfield knockoff. That was me. An arrothe least mature? Why does it please even the most childish of gant little shit."
Similarly, many of us used to be the sorts of characters we
us to call our past selves idiots? Are we proud of our past idiocy,
ourselves would not want to read about. We
the same way we're sometimes proud of
fell into tired, self-indulgent cliches, possidrinking until we get sick? Clearly not:
bly saying things like, "No one understands
while we might gladly go out drinking ' ' A r e we to dismiss that
choice as chance: that
me," and "Everyone in the world is so stup_id!'
and getting sick every weekend and then
We read these things in the present and say,
brag about it, we would never willingly
our younger selves only
''You were wrong, you little shit. It wasn't the
return to high school, nor do we think
happened by accident to
world that was stupid, it was you."
anything in high school worth bragging
choose exactly the right
But to call anything "stupid" is to say that
about. So in our culture, having been
children is infinitely more shameful than
we don't, in fact, understand it: that we're so
tiny obscure liberal arts
overcome with emotion, we can't face it. So
making drunken oafs of ourselves in
college to attend?
when we call our high school selves "stupid,"
public.
we neither teach nor learn from them, but
Consequently, most of us see college
as our chance to get as far away from childhood as we possibly only contradict them-as though we were locked in an endless
can in four years. If by senior year, we can't turn on our high schoolyard argument like Creon and Antigone-and no underschool selves (if not all younger people) and say, ''You are an standing is reached. And we all know that the least interesting
idiot," we think we've somehow failed to grow up. We're terri- and insightful explanations we find for these characters' acfied of this failure, and as a result it's hard to find an experience tions is "They were just idiots," or "They were being possessed
or an increment of time so small or insignificant that a young
Continued On Pg.5
person won't point to it and claim to have been fundamentally

05

THE GADFLY

Continued From

Pg. 4

by the gods." So how can we possibly be satisfied with such
explanations for our own actions?
I ask these questions, and people reply, "You know what?
It's really not that important. I've learned my lesson, and it's
over now. I can move on with my life. I don't want to deal
with high school or high school kids anymore. I'm done with
that shit."
From this, it's clear to me that adulthood (which most of
us have enjoyed only very briefly) hasn't so much humbled
us (as we think) as put a fake moustache on our arrogance so
that we no longer recognize it. Instead of saying to ourselves,
"Everybody is stupid," as we did in high school, we now say,
"My entire past was stupid, and so is anyone else who's young
or idiotic enough to think the way I did when I was in high
school": a difference oflittle consequence.
The plain truth is that we're not as different from our high
school selves as we g pretend to be, even by senior year. If we
doubt this, we would do well to remember on whose account
most of us became Johnnies. Who else but our high school
selves chose this school for us? And unless we've found our
time here unpleasant (in which case we have more problems
than simply not valuing the past), this person we look down
on made the right decision. Are we to dismiss that choice as
chance: that our younger selves only happened by accident
to choose exactly the right tiny obscure liberal arts college to
attend? What remarkably good luck to befall the majority of
the Polity.
Of course, we might have made many changes since our

high school years. We might have done things then that we
now regret. We might have grown or overcome personal flaws
or challenges. But all of that strife was necessary to make us
who we are. If we had a misguided Goth phase in 10th grade,
this played its part in shaping our present. If we once got in
trouble for egging our school, this played its part as well. But
if we deny that this chain of events is valid, and say, "That was
just idiotic', I shouldn't have done that, and I would be better
off if I hadn't," we are, in a sense, denying our own existence.
Because of our childhoods, our heads are full of things. And
if we had not been alive and experienced a colorful variety
of things for roughly eighteen years before coming here, our
heads would not be full of things, and we would all be drooling
infants. But we are not drooling infants. And this is manifestly
because we have many years' experience as thinking, learning
beings.
In fact, we can easily look on personal history as a Program
book: one that no other Johnnie has access to. As Johnnies, we
owe it to ourselves and to others to read that book, to take it
with us through all four years, and keep reading it after graduation. We must read it closer and more thoroughly than any of
the books on the Program-since it's longer, more important,
and contains, as Montaigne calls it, "the whole stamp of the human condition." Try to understand your high school self, even
if that person makes you angry, or hurts you, or seems to defy
understanding. To smile your most precious book away and insult it is an inexcusable sin for a Johnnie.+

Jennifer Shumpert
Hometown:
Reston, VA
Senior Essay Title:
Ships That Pass in the Night: Or, the Duplicity of Narratives in Woolf's Mrs. Dalloway
Post-Graduate Plans:
Construct elaborate cardboard cutouts of my friends
so that I can pretend we still get to hang out every day.
Mourn heavily. Maybe get a drastic haircut? Eventually move to DC and work for a non-profit focused on
women's issues.hotspots.

JoshAvni
Hometown:
Woodstock, VA
Senior Essay Title:
Nothing: Seeking Self-Annihilation in Ingmar
Bergman's Persona
Post-Graduate Plans:
Writing and directing movies, ideally even
ones that people like!

Shayna Jenkins
Hometown:
Litchfield, CT
Senior Essay Title:
The Man of Many Faces: The Search
for Self-Knowledge in Cervantes' Don
Quixote
Post-Graduate Plans:
Re-reading the entire Gossip Girl serie
shot-spots.

Hometown:
Leesburg, VA
Senior Essay Title:
Abraham's Argument: Faith as Human Fulfillment in Kierkegaard's
Fear and Trembling
Post-Graduate Plans:
Moving to Lexington, VA and attending law school at Washington
and Lee University.

Josephine LaCosta
Hometown:
Oldwick, NJ
Senior Essay Title:
Faith and Freedom, in honor of
Emma Bovary, the child, the artist,
the hero
Post-Graduate Plans:
Gonna be a chef.

�06

THE GADFLY

THE GADFLY

07

A Word of Non-Advice

·TIPS ON
LEAVING
THE COLLEGE

Joy Perry .N15
I don't think there is any parting advice I can give that will do a: fraction
of the good that comes from learning through experience and mistakes so
I would like to make a parting wish for the Polity instead: I hope that o~r
mistakes will not sour our experience of life but will instead teach us a lightheart~d humility as painlessly as possible. And, from that humility, I hope
we gam an expanded capacity to forgive and extend kindness to our fellows.
Goodbye, and thank you. This experience has meant the world to me. +

Patricia Locke

Ms. Bartram recently asked me for tips on leaving
the College. I was taken aback and a bit inarticulate.
But I have been thinking about it and here they are:

Thanks to Kunai
Melanie Swiecicki

Joy Perry
Hometown:
Corbett, OR
Senior Essay Title:
The Receding Figure: Sublime
Moments in Three Landscapes
by Caspar David Friedrich
Post-Graduate Plans:
I'll be spending this summer
interning for a non-profit art
school in the Berkshires.

Sebastian Abella

Victoria Wick·

Hometown:
Miami, FL

Hometown:
Denver, CO

Senior Essay Title:
Recreating Reality: The
Church of Combray in Swann's
Way

.N15

Kunai has been an athletics program and
also a support group to me. I played some
sports in high school and I knew that when
I came to St. John's I wanted to continue
being active. So the minute I heard about
Kunai's existence I knew I wanted to participate. It was one of the best decisions
I have made during my time at St. John's.
With Kunai I was able to learn sports I had
never played before, like Netball, or actually learn how to play ones I was terrible at,
like basketball. I also got the chance to play
the sports I have always enjoyed with other
girls. The opportunity to clear my mind and
just focus on something physical has been
great for my mental health. And don't discount those endorphins you get from running around! The knowledge that if I go
to Kunai I will finish it having let go of my
stress and happy is what motivates me.
But that is something you can feel from
all/any physical activity, the real reason I
go to Kunai specifically is the people. Without it I would never have met and gotten
to know so many amazing girls in other
years. Sure, I would have seen them around
campus, and with St. John's being the tiny
school it is, I'm sure I could tell you some
facts about them. But I wouldn't have really
known them. Kunai enabled me to make
friendships with a wider variety of girls

Senior Essay Title:
The Inner World of War
and Peace

Post-Graduate Plans:
Economics

Senior Essay Title:
Quo Vadis? Christianity

Hometown:
Orono, ME

Hometown:
Chandler, AZ

Senior Essay Title:
Round Perdition's Flames: Madness and Obsession in Moby Dick

Senior Essay Title:
Son of Sin, Son of Sanctity: An Exploration of
the Character of Jesus Christ in the Gospel of
Matthew

Post-Graduate Plans:
Touch and care for old books.

Post-Graduate Plans:
Medical School (probably)

Cultivate your friendships. Keep in touch with
the people you care most about, and leave open
the possibility that your shared experience may give
you more in common with the guy who drove you nuts
in seminar than with any of the people at your next job.
You may come to appreciate him more as time goes by.
Cut yourself some slack. Done properly, the
Program is exhausting. Why not let yourself off
the hook? You don't need to read anything on your
To Read list right now. You don't have to add German
or Russian to your accomplishments. Why not buy
yourself a sketchbook and some color crayons (the
big box). Hey, add glitter! Why not go to the beach?
See what it would be like to be a person who actually
takes the weekend (or equivalent) completely off from
intellectual activities. Get out there in the natural world.
And don't justify your being there by identifying birds.
Leave your gun, your compass and your watch behind.
Get healthy. Didn't you promise yourself to quit
smoking after graduation? I know #2 says cut
yourself some slack, but maybe good food, sleep and
exercise will help you kick whatever habits are weighing you down.
After four years of analyzing, synthesizing,
absorbing, etc. maybe it is time to see how you
can put your talents to work in making some placeyour place- better, cleaner, more thoughtful, or
_ _ _ _ ____ (positive adjective here).
Embrace the big world! Take any chance you
have to travel, meet people in your town from
Elsewhere, and treat strange places as an adventure.
Think even bigger! IfI could wave my (covert)
wand and give you anything, it would be the gift
of more self-confidence. You just went toe to toe with
some of the finest minds in human history, and have
learned all kinds 'o strategies to learn complex things
outside your ken. You're GOOD! And if you have the
typical mood sag during the first year, so be it. You will
bob back up at full power. Support each other, and acknowledge your own maturity, thoughtfulness and mind
intent. Get out there: the world needs you!

2

4

Post-Graduate Plans:
Relaxing in my sauna.

Madison Galbraith

1

3

Hometown:
Warsaw, Poland

l
Hometown:
Denver, CO

Elizabeth Wootten
Molly Kirkpatrick

Post-Graduate Plans:
Paying off my student
loans and catching up
on the pop culture I've
missed these past 4
years.

Melanie Swiecicki

than I would have otherwise known.
And those friendships are, of course,
what makes me go to each Kunai
game, every Tuesday and Friday. +

Tutor

Hometown:
Minnetonka, MN
Senior Essay Title:
To Live For The Soul: A Study
of the Philosophy and Practical Life of Konstantin Levin in
Tolstoy's Anna Karenina
Post-Graduate Plans:
Apply to and attend grad
school for a Master's in Russian and Eurasian regional
studies.

Senior Essay Title:
"Kneeling and Decline in
King Lear."
Post-Graduate Plans:
Within the next couple
of years, I will begin my
education in naturopathic
medicine in order to
become a practitioner of
bio-energetic therapy. This
year, I'll be working as an
Office Manager at Green
Life Chiropractic here in
town and planning my wed
ding!

5

6

P.S. Don't forget the College. If you send us $25/
year, we will use it well. Write when you get work.
Write when you get happy. +

�08

THE GADFLY

Anna Szumiesz
Hometown:
Concord, NH
Senior Essay Title:
Plonger au Fond: Finding Freedom
in the New Beauty of the Modern
World
Post-Graduate Plans:
Climb, hike, and surf my home
state with the love of my life, read
some non-Program books, plant a
garden, find a job, and apply to law
school.

Leslie Howard
Hometown:
Laconia, NH
Senior Essay Title:
So As a Painted Tyrant Hamlet
Stood
Post-Graduate Plans:
I intend to hang out in Annapolis
and make crepes until I just can't
stand it anymore.

Caroline Snizek
Hometown:
Westfield, NJ
Senior Essay Title:
My Mind on My Murder and Murder on My
Mind, Death and Dying in Macbeth
Post-Graduate Plans:
Go home and recover from these four years and
plan my next move.

David Lincer
Hometown:
Short Hills, NJ
Senior Essay Title:
Hope Constricts the Heart: Imagination,
Sympathy, and Youth in Goethe's Werther
Post-Graduate Plans:
I'll be doing a psychiatric research internship at the Austen Riggs Center in Stockbridge, Massachusetts with a Hodson
grant. My plans for after that are still unclear, but they involve enrollment in some
sort of psychology program in 2016.

Mary Reeher
Hometown:
Saint Paul, MN

Stephanie Morgan
Hometown:
Colorado Springs, CO

Senior Essay Title:
Flesh &amp; Blood: Webster and the
Female Prince

Senior Essay Title:
Persuasion: Hindsight is 20/20: Analyzing
the Hows and Whys of Austen's Persuasion

Post-Graduate Plans:
Grad school applications for
fall 2016, and
enjoying the Twin Cities' many
excellent WiFi hotspots.

Post-Graduate Plans:
Working in Annapolis, ideally in an analyst position, for the next 3 years, then
becoming a Foreign Service Officer with
the State Department.

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